I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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