Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
