Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
