I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
