I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
