Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
