What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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