I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
