he wants to bone in the snuggie
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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