you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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