He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
