so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize