It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
