I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
