READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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