I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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