someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
