Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
