We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
