He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
