i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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