vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize