I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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