tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
