i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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