I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
