You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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