How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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