this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Drunk is a universal language darling
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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