i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
