Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
