my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
