have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
