i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
