I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Four minutes until I can fart!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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