The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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