If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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