Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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