Betty ford says i'm here all night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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