The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
