Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
