I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
