i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
