he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
