Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize