but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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