Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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