Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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