I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
NoShamevember. You game?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
