so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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