I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize