i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
