I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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