You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
