just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
