I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
