I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
