Moan for me like Helen Keller
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
