I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
