is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
