She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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