oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
