she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize