I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
NoShamevember. You game?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
