Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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