That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
