A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
