Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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