BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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