please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
