It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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