how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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