are you still at the devil's house?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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