Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just google imaged poop.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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