I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
